C.D. Payne answers reader questions

Spontaneous donut combustion

C.D. Payne answers (some) of your questions:
Part III
Q. i loved youth in revolt soooo much.. it was the greatest books i ever read. I think that it would be really cool if it were turned into a movie.. do you think that it will happen?? (Sam (im a girl), Miami, FL)
A. Having been around the block a few times already with Hollywood, I'm not making any rash claims about when the movie will come out. Happily, though, the option check has arrived and been cashed.

Q. will you ever make youth in revolt into a film, if so would you be inclined to write back and take into consideration that my life would be complete if i got to be nick. and yes i have no film acting experience, but i do have acting experience in an off broadway production of peter pan. (brendan, just outside chicago)
A. Since movies cost so many mucho millions these days, I think the producers will be inclined to go with experienced actors. This is why there are so many 24-year-olds playing teens on TV. Since I have zero say as to who will be cast (assuming the movie project gets to that stage), I can be of no help to you. Sorry!

Q. I am such a huge fan of your writing. They are some of the funniest things I have ever read. Just wondering, when you be releasing another book and what might it entail. Thanks and keep the humor coming! (Dennis, New York City)
A. Sorry, no news to report on future books. Wait a minute, there is. See below.
Q. Mr. C. D. Payne, we know that you get a substantial amount of mail talking about turning YIR into a movie, but my sister and I have taken it one step further and begun. However, all we have is our imagination and a couple of songs (AKA, we're broke). We've still thought of some songs that would go well with some YIR scenes however: When Nick sees Sheeni for the first time, "Godzilla" by Blue Oyser Cult will play. When Nick gets into the crazy domino-effect car predicament, Bing Crosby's "Dinah" will be playing. When Nick decides to become a woman, we will make a scene which depicts the process (Nick applying lipstick, stuffing oranges into a bra, etc.)and throughout the scene Etta James's and Harvey Fuqua's "If I Can't Have You" will be playing. Lastly, when the credits begin to roll, "Rush" by Big Audio Dynamite will play (the lyrics uncannily describe Nick Twisp). The trailor will include "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones and it'll probably be in another part ! of the movie as well. And yes, there will be Sinatra tunes playing throughout the movie, too. Those are our ideas, Mr. Payne; what do you think of the song selections for the scenes? Much thanks. (Susan & Karina, Chicago)
A. Sounds like a good start on the music score to me. Of course, you must realize that a guy with my retro musical tastes hasn't heard of most of your selections. But thanks for the effort.

Q. hey i was given the book: "youth in revolt" as a xmas gift a year or so ago, and it is easily the best book i've read in years. since then i've loaned out my copy to tons of people to spread the word. i was so inspired by the book and nick, that i wrote a song based loosely on mine and nick twisps life. i was just wondering if youd be interested in hearing it and maybe givin me an official seal of approval. thanks for your time and book... (rob, florida)
A. Songs about Nick are always welcome. Maybe we can get Frank to record it (alas, Frank Jr. that is).
Q. First of all, I love your books and am presently doing a thesis paper on it (I don't know if my English Teacher was expecting this) and I was wondering where you got the idea of Frank Sinatra being Nick's musical idol and if his songs affected Nick's feelings for Sheeni or any other things in the book. (Bekah, Baltimore)
A. Since Nick is both a romantic and retro sort of guy it seemed appropriate that he should appreciate Mr. Sinatra. You'll notice he often refers to lyrics of songs sung by Frank. It's apparent that he listens closely to the words and has absorbed their romantic messages. Therefore, we can conclude that he would not have been as obsessed with Sheeni if instead he had been listening to say, the Flesh Eaters.
Q. We would like to hear you speak... Do you ever give official lectures locally (Bay Area)? If so, how can we find out where and when???? You are our hero!!! (T n A, Alameda, CA)
A. Being a frighteningly obscure author, I'm not invited to speak at literary-type gatherings. In 2005 I may have some readings scheduled at bookstores when Young and Revolting: The Continental Journals of Nick Twisp (otherwise known as Book V) comes out. Stay tuned.
Q. I admire you Mr. Payne. Your Books ( youth in revolt ) guide me during my youth. Now I am 21 and I have to read it again and again. There is some magic into your words. I can´t beleive, that you aren´t nick twisp. I don´t have any question, excuse me. I only want to thank you for it, so Thank you Mr. Payne. (Stepan, Prague - Czech Republic)
Q. THANKS! Nickie is very popular in Czech! Harry Potter is dead! Nick Twisp is WIN! C.D.Payne, you are my god! You are megagiant brain! Your books are THE BEST!!! What is C.D.? Thanks! Your reader Patrik (sorry, my english its no good!) Holesov city (Czech).
A. Why are my astute Czech readers so much farther ahead on the curve than the rest of the world? Growing up in Akron, Ohio did I somehow magically plug into a vein of Czech cultural life that revealed itself 30 years later? Don't know, but I think the true answer may lie in the excellence of the Czech translations by Tamara Vanova. As for C.D., it stands for C. Douglas, which happens to be my name--no symbolism intended.

Q. Dear Mr. Twisp- I am 15 yrs. old and let me say I was at kind of a gloomy state, until one day I found the perfect book sitting on the shelf at the public library and let me say, this is the ultimate....I read it in two days. I even got busted in school for having such a graphic book. (I wonder what they mean?) But I mean it was time the world figured out the true life of teens. I have so many questions to ask, but I'll only ask the key important ones. Do you relate to Nick at all? Whatever happened to Lefty & Millie? And please tell me if Nick murdered that bastard Dwayne? I don't think I could compliment you enough on this piece of art. Mr. Payne you have given me and my fellow friends a never forgetful memory with this book. The Revolt lives on! (Dawson, Springdale)
A. Sure, I can relate to Nick. He's helping me pay my mortgage. Lefty and Millie are married and living in Fresno. Nick has not murdered Dwayne as he is concentrating his vitriol at the moment on Vijay.
Q. Exist web side about Jessica King alias Sheeni? PLEASE! Uf...why dont exist Sheeni? She is mega giga tera NICE girl! I think, that she must exist. . . somewhere . . . sometime! You vizit sometime Clear Lake? (Lakeport) (Koiler (Sheeni lover one), Holesov city (Czech)
A. Sorry, I'm not getting the Jessica King-Sheeni connection. No, I think Sheeni does not really qualify as "nice." Been to Lakeport. You can look it up on the web and read all about it. I suspect Holesov city might have more to offer though.
Q. Im in the Army and I wish to be a writer but Army life has me losing my wit. I don't want to write books on shining boots. Any advice? (PFC Arturo, Camp Hump., Korea)
A. Keep reading and let your imagination wander in your leisure hours. If you don't have much time off, writing may have to wait until you can relax and be by yourself. I find idle hours are a must for any creative pursuit. In the meantime, you can observe people as preparation for being a writer.
Q. Did you really go to Harvard? If so, how did your education influence the creation of... da da daaaa... Nick Twisp. Do you spout big words too> (Justine, San Francisco)
A. Do people commonly lie about going to Harvard? I wasn't aware of that. Harvard certainly claims me as one of their own, since they are constantly dunning me for donations. I can't say my college education contributed much to the creation of Nick, except for his occasional references to the hydrogen atom (a fixation of my college Physics course). In my daily life I rarely mumble words over two syllables.
Q. More of a comment than a question. On a whim, I searched "Youth In Revolt" on the Internet Movie DataBase (www.imdb.com) and was pleasantly surprised to see that a movie adaptation has been announced. Any more information you could supply on the project, Mr. Payne? And if I may make a suggestion... please please please don't let them screw up the movie like so many other book-to-film adaptations. I think I speak for all YiR fans when I say we want a faithful adaptation (i.e. an R rating) (Nate, Seattle, WA)
A. Sorry, I don't know much more than you do. One must maintain an attitude of hopeful expectation. Readers of a religious bent might remember poor Hollywood Nick in your prayers. And while you're at it, light a candle or two for the pigeons, who have been wandering in the wilderness of animation development for 5+ years.
Q. Is it true there is going to be a "Youth in Revolt" movie? If so, do you know any info yet on auditions, like when or where? I was so excited when I found a small mention of the movie announcement. I was shaking, and had to be sent to the office. I hope that doesn't weird you out too much. I loved the book, and I believe I relate to Nick alot. Thanks alot. (Phil, Canton, Michigan)
A. It's true a movie is in development, which means there MAY be a movie someday if all the ducks get lined up in a row. Nope, the producers will not be phoning me up to announce that auditions are being held. The authors of novels are very far down on the Hollywood food chain. And why is there a Canton in Michigan when there is a perfectly adequate one in Ohio? Same goes for that superfluous Akron in New York state.
Q. You seem to hit the nail on the head when it comes to the description of Nick's experience while hallucinating on mushrooms. Was this great page or two filled with metaphors by your own personal observations? (Frank, New York City)
A. Very possibly.
Q. I'm a 22 year old Nick type without a Sheeni. Any advice on how to ask a girl out? Artsy beautiful preferred. Although I am greatly attracted to silicon. (the computer kind that is, har har) (Brian, Sonoma, CA)
A. I've had some successful with the line, "Hey, would you like to take a ride in my hot air balloon?" Perhaps I should start a dating service for Nick readers. At least you'd have one thing in common. Any Sheeni types in Sonoma who'd like to meet Brian? Email here and I'll forward your message along.

Q. I saw on IMDB.com that you wrote an episode (or episodes) of the show Recess. I love that show and was wondering what episode(s) you wrote. (Bob, Conway, NH)
A. I wrote the episode "Mama's Girl" in which the tomboy Spinelli addresses her teacher as "Mama"--resulting in terminal embarrassment. It was extensively rewritten by the staff, thus ending my career as a wannabe TV writer.
Q. Well, I hope you're happy. Thanks to you I now have a ridiculous obsession with Ukiah. I pester my friends who are from there and they all think I'm crazy. (Antony, Santa Barbara)
A. Everyone needs a hobby. Being obsessed with a small California town is much less boring than say, collecting old cookie cutters. (Yes, these people have national conventions.)
Q. I just wanna ask you if there will be another Nick Twisp book? If you still writing or no. And ask you if whats your full name? Thanks for answer, you are very good person. (BlaDie, Chlumec, Czech Republic)
A. I am writing another Nick Twisp book. It should come out in 2005 here. The Czech version will require more time, alas. My full name is C. Douglas Payne.
Q. Why are you so hot? (Cam, University Place, WA)
A. Usually happens when the ocean fog moves offshore and it warms up around here. Uncomfortable, but good for the wine grapes. Last week I was doing some plumbing in our crawl space and got pretty hot doing that. Thanks for asking.
Q. In the About an Author section, it said you used to be a copywriter. That was Nick's dad's job. Is there any underlying reason for this? Or the way Nick seemed to look down on his dad for his profession? Let me just say, I love these books more than anything else. I read books 1-4 as fast as i could and was sleep-deprived as a result. After i finished them, I felt incomplete. I tried to fill the void you left with incessant guitar-playing and I must say, I have improved significantly. Thank you very much for that. Could you please write about the babies? I also read Frisco Pigeon Mambo but I would prefer if you sticked to tortured teenagers. I could relate to that a lot more. Could you please come to Tacoma and sign stuff or something? And I may or may not have to kiss you if you do. (Charlie, Tacoma, Washington)
A. I gave Nick's dad all my unpleasant traits, not excluding my then day-job. I didn't care much for the job, which may have rubbed off on Nick. Glad to hear Nick deprivation has improved your guitar skills. Babies? Tacoma? I try to stay away from both. If you enjoy tortured teens, check out Civic Beauties, which is now being reprinted and will be available again in July.

Q. First of all, i have to write Thanks to you, for writing YiR. YiR is the greatest book, I have ever read. I can say you, that you have many, many and one more time many fans here in the Czech republic. Are you planning to visit us? Do you like books of the Terry Pratchett. I am sorry for my English language. And one more greetings from European Union. (Gor, Spindlerùv Mlýn, Czech republic)
A. Not planning any European visits at the moment. Hard to get there in an Airstream trailer (full disclosure: I recently upgraded to a 1968 Boles Aero). Haven't read any Terry Pratchett yet, but will soon.
Q. I was wondering what C. D. stood for in reference to your name. My girlfriend tells me it is a pen name, but I say sometimes the given initials in a name sound cooler than the first or first and middle names. (i.e. J.R., T.J., B.M.) I get a combo meal at Taco bell if I'm right and she gets it if she's right. We have a bonus bet going too. The winner of the bonus bet gets all you can eat sushi if they are right. I win if your name is Cornelius Douglas Payne and she wins if your name is Charlemange Davis. I'll buy you all you can eat sushi if you lie and say I'm right... it's gotta be believable though, like putting it on the Young and Revolting cover. (Cory, Santa Rosa, CA)
A. I don't know, it seems to me if a guy were going to invent a pen name he wouldn't choose C.D. Payne. Nope, that's my real name, such as it is. Full name is C. Douglas Payne. End of (rather boring) story.
Q. I haven't bothered going through the 3,000 Q&A's left on this site, but I'm aiming to ask something witty and interesting all Nick Twisp fans would be dying to know: Who would win in a fight- Holden Caulfield or Nick? Both of them aren't prone to fighting, and admit being sissies. Don't give Nick the lighter hand because he's your alter ego, either. ;) (Dickie, Los Angeles, CA)
A. Nick's not much of a scrapper, but I'd have to give him the upper hand since Holden must be fairly geriatric by now. That's assuming Nick could be persuaded to strike the grey-haired old gent.
Q. I've loved Youth in Revolt (read it all in one day, if you can believe that), and just discovered the unedited version, which I plan to buy as soon as posible. Just wondering (not that anything is going to deter me) why your book was edited in the first place? And whose decision was it? Also, did you perhaps get any of your ideas from the fictional diaries of Adrian Mole (by Sue Townsend), or perhaps Running with Scissors (Augusten Burroughs)? Thanks. (Echo, Albuquerque)
A. The book was condensed because Doubleday wanted to make the type bigger and it was published during a spike in paper prices. I was aware of Townsend's books, but have never heard of the other novels you mentioned. There may be some overlap in such novels because of the subject matter.
Q. Is the ad on the main page of this site for "BabySee, the best baby monitors" so that us Nick fans don't ever have to be in the room when our repulsive brothers fall to the floor? Because frankly, if one of my baby siblings were to fall to the floor with a "sickening thud", I would rather not be in the vicinity. (Rob, Sheeni's Bedroom)
A. Those ads vary according to who is paying Big Bucks to the Feedback Form folks on any particular day. I imagine infant dropping can be traumatic even when viewed remotely. Nick's incident was inspired by a similar mishap my wife experienced in her days as a teenaged babysitter. The mother, she reports, was surprisingly nice about it. No report on how the kid turned out.

Q. Now, I saw this article about how the rights to your books have been bought for a movie, now I believe something like this has happened in that past, but now I am seeing websites that say this movie is going to be out in 2005. I am very curious to know exactly what is going on. Much Love, Kitty (Millington, New Jersey)
A. When it comes to Hollywood, very few know exactly what is going on--especially me. Yes, earnest folks with Industry Credentials are beavering away on this enterprise. Yes, they hope the movie "Youth in Revolt" will come out in 2005. Am I holding my breath? Not at the present time.
Q. Dear Mr. Payne, I was introduced to YIR and A Confederacy of Dunces on the same day by a bookstore clerk in the now-defunct and greatly missed Bookland bookstore in Whittier. I loved both books. So far I have loaned them to friends and the statistically-odd relatives that seem even somewhat literate. They have loved them also. One question I have wondered about is the name Sheeni. I don't mean to stereotype anyone, but it seemed unusual that Sheeni's Mom would name her daughter a non-biblical or nontraditional name. I am a near-elderly woman, though not from Chechoslovakia. I would appreciate a non-flippant answer, young man. (Linda, Whittier, Calif.)
A. I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that the mystery of Sheeni's peculiar name is explained in Revolting Youth. The bad news is that you will have to read the book to find out.

Q. how in god's name did you find the ability to actually make me fall in love with a book?? It makes me laugh and uses big words- my dreamboat! (kathy, new jersey)
A. Better not go near the Oxford English Dictionary. It's full of even bigger words.

Q. My question to you fine sir is this, Have you ever had any parents complain to you about their kids pulling a "Nick Twisp" sort of speak. (Cole, Memphis,TN)
A. Don't get many complaints from parents. I find them to be a generally dispirited and sullen lot.
Q. I am a 16 year old teenage reader and I have found your book "Youth In Revolt" to be one of the most excellent works of black comedic literature available to readers today. It was a laugh from start to finish. I would like add to your slew of compliments by saying that you have perfectly captured Sheeni: the smart woman confined to a small town, rather obnoxious, using, and fickle, but startlingly beautiful. With some vanity on my part I can successfully identify with Miss. Saunders.
I do have one question... Why on EARTH would you ever consider subjecting this classic piece of comedy to the clutches of some movie director?! The suggestion by readers of the character from "Malcolm in the Middle" to play Nick Twisp makes me feel profusely ill.
Please do not subject this book to that. It's brought me laughs from start to finish, and I intend to read every other book you have written. I have not examined "Queen of America" but if it proves to be fairly inexplicit I will try to have my school perform it in our statewide play competition.
Keep up the astounding work. Please don't subject this wonderful book to a movie, as previously stated. (Phileda, Karnes City)
A. People hope that making a movie of Youth in Revolt would open it up to a larger audience, thus vaulting its author from obscurity to semi-obscurity. (See next query below.)
Q. I just wanted to tell you that I love your books so much. I don't know why you aren't huge!! I recommend your book to all of my friends. I was at a used book sale at my local library, and as I was leaving, I decided to look through the FREE boxes. My mom yelled at me that it was time to go, so I just grabbed the first book I saw. How very lucky, it was Youth in Revolt. I've read it more times than I can count, and it has changed my life. Thank you so very much for writing it. I purchased Revolting Youth this morning, and I have already finished. I look forward to the next chapter in Nick's wonderfully wacky life. I also think the idea of writing a book from dear Albert's life is great! p.s. The one I got for free was signed by you! YAY! (molly, 16, montana)
A. Albert is dear? I thought he was rather vicious and nasty. And thanks for alerting me to the value of my autograph.
Q. Do you think that your new book coming out in 2005, Young and Revolting is better than pie? What about spoons? P.S. What does Nick have against Dwayne not wearing underwear? (Kittie B****r (not a nickname, my parents are ex hippies), Millington, NJ)
A. I fear the book is not likely to be a match for my wife's apple-rhubarb pie, but then few things are. She uses Gravenstein apples grown right here in Sebastopol. The rhubarb is from our back yard. As for Nick, he merely prefers that Dwayne keep his underwear status to himself--a rule we might all do well to follow.
Q. Gustin Nash is scheduled to be the director of the film version of YiR, as well as co-writer along with yourself (according to the IMDB). I am assuming, then, that you have met the guy. His work credits are extremely slim...do you think that he can bring across the vision that is the greatest book ever written? I surely hope that the release date stays at 2005...the sooner the better. Any other "insider" word on casting or otherwise not posted on the web? I know that lots of people are asking about the movie...is the script covering all 3 of the first novels, is a series anticipated? keep us posted! (Rob, Newton, MA)
A. As usual I am not the best informed guy on the block. I have not met Mr. Nash and I am not the co-writer of the movie. A script has been completed (unseen by me) and it is being reviewed by Lions Gate. I don't know how much of the novel is covered, nor do I know when, if ever, the film will reach the screen.
Q. Hey, C.D. How are you? Well I hope. I just finished reading Youth In Revolt for the 12th time in 2 years. I'm obsessed, if nothing else. There are just a couple of questions that have been vexing my mind. Where did you come up with the name Sheeni? If Sheeni knew Nick was Carlotta from day 1, why did she reveal things to him? How is Sheeni so smart? Did they breed her in some top-secret Harvard chemistry lab? I'm engaging myself in learning French and am jealous in the extreme that she's so learned. Is there an Ecole des Arts et Litteratures in Santa Cruz? Does Sheeni play any sports? I'm guessing Lacross. Oh, and does her mother have a job? Merci beaucoup. :) (Sonita, Kalamazoo, MI- Go Spartans!)
A. Sheeni, in case nobody noticed, is the universal "she," hence her peculiar name. Can't explain why Sheeni revealed things to Nick; she's pretty devious though. Sheeni is smart so that she can better torment Nick. No, I'm not aware of any French language high school in Santa Cruz. Sheeni plays no sports unless compelled to in gym class. Her mother is a confirmed Christian homemaker. It's true that I once fell into a lake fully clothed near Kalamazoo.

Q. I've wanted to write you so many times, but every time I start a letter either I sound like some gushing groupie-type or like i'm hitting on you. Yeah, that wasn't a great start either, but since I've done this so many times before, and I'm a bit tipsy, I'm just going to keep writing until I forget that first line. Youth in Revolt and Revolting Youth are the best books I've ever read, and I've read a hell of a lot of books. Many of my friends have read it as well, although i do have trouble lending it out because if I need to read it and don't have it on hand then I tend to freak out. I'm positively addicted to YIR. I'm so pleased that there's a new one coming along in 2005. Please tell me that it's coming out January first, because any later than that and i'm going to go insane. Anyways, thank you so much for writing it. I'm really very very grateful. Will there be a big launch with book signings and meet-the-author in the California area? I'd LOVE to meet you. Er, that sounds bad...I'm not hitting on you, I swear. Or maybe I am, bwahahaha. No, really, I'm not. Ok, maybe I should go feed my fish now. bye, (liz-e, Santa Cruz, CA)
A. Uh-oh, I fear the new book may be coming out in the latter part of 2005. Better get a grip on yourself. I'll try to arrange a reading in Santa Cruz, one of my favorite places to visit.

Q. I heard that "Youth In Revolt" was originally self-published. What process did you go through. How long did it take to become successful? (it must have been, to have attracted a commercial publsher) Would you recommend self-publishing, and, finally, how did you market "Youth in Revolt"? Thanks for your time. (Bobby, Skowhegan, Maine)
A. Some of your questions are answered on the website in the long story about how Youth in Revolt came to be. Self-publishing did lead to acquiring an agent and the sale to Doubleday. Generally, though I think self-publishing is to be avoided unless you have no other alternative. It's simply too difficult to get anyone to pay attention to a self-published book, especially fiction.
Q. My sister gave me this book because she thought that there were a lot of great SAT words in it. Wow, let it sit around but I finally read it and it is the best book ever. But my question after reading this book is did you happen to have some bad experiences with the American public school system! (Max, Thousand Oaks, CA)
A. Probably no worse than most people. Had some good teachers, but most I encountered should have been in another line of work (prison guard? bridge toll-taker? pigeon trainer?).
Q. Okay, okay... we wouldn't all even be anywhere near this site if we didn't love your work, so I'll skip the mounds of praise I have for YIR and your other work, Senor Payne. Apparently YIR is the best kept secret on Earth - limited to me, my friends, some guy at Lion's Gate, and the entire Czech Republic. I was curious to know the *why* of the answer in your Q&A regarding a YIR audiobook. I know that it's a bit of an undertaking - but having worked in studios (both home and big budget), I can say that it wouldn't be that hard to do. And with the release of so many audiobooks in MP3 or other digital formats (like Audible), it would seem to be a perfect fit for a book like YIR. Honestly, I think the best thing would be to hire a guy with a decent mike and a decent recorder/computer and sit down for a few thousand hours and read it yourself. I can't really imagine anybody else doing justice to the book... but you could also hire somebody with a decent voice and pay him/her to do the job just as easily. I guess that I see YIR as a wonderful DIY story about a guy who wrote what he wanted to, how he wanted to and I really think that an audio version of the story would help bridge that gap between you and the non-readers that would fall in love with Nick like I have. Seriously, you could release it from your own site or go through some company like Audible.com or a different audio publisher... and it's gotta be far, far cheaper and easier than printing your own work and hauling it around to bookstores. You could break it up into sections, to see how it does - do a serial unabridged version and even have pay subscriptions. There's a million of us commuters on Earth, armed with iPods and we are bored, dammit. Bored! We want Nick to entertain our ears. No, we NEED Nick. Please? Make it happen. Or explain to me that it's a silly rights thing and your hands are tied. (Blaine, Memphis)
A. Thanks for the suggestions. I will check into them. But would you rather have me wheezing into a microphone or working on getting Book V out the door?
Q. 30 dollars says Nick never makes it to France. I love you, but I notice some interesting patterns in your writing :) (Kitty, Millington)
A. Not a wise wager since the subtitle of Young and Revolting will be The Continental Journals of Nick Twisp.
Q. I'm pretty sure you've been to Ukiah since you live so close, but did you actually base ANY of the locations of places (like the doughnut shop he would always go to and where he first lived with his dad) in the book on actual places in Ukiah? Since I live here I really want to know so every time I go to those places I can be like "Oh yeah, Nick Twisp (Or should I say Carlotta or Rick) is a badass." (Kendall, Ukiah)
A. Alas, the Ukiah scenes were not based on any specific locations in your incomparable town. Personally, I like to believe that the spirit of Nick pervades the entire area.

Q. Is there any Youth in Revolt merchandise? I would love a Youth in Revolt poster for my room or an I'm Single Lets Mingle t-shirt. Also I think this book should be required reading for all teenagers and young adults. It only needs to be recommended for adults. (Steffan, Miami)
A. Where were you all those years when I was trying to Get Rich Quick flogging a great variety of Twispian merchandise? Sorry, all the cargo has been unloaded. Perhaps more will become available should the long-delayed movie make it to the screen.
Q. I actually did notice allusion to Nabokov's Lolita in Youth in Revolt, having, coincidentally, just finished reading it too. But I also drew a comparison to A Confederacy of Dunces - Is it possible that Nick and Ignatius are distant cousins? Nick is the funniest character to appear in years! More, more, more!
(Sheeni-wannabee, East Brunswick, NJ)
A. You might say that Ignatius Riley is Nick's spiritual uncle. Look for more Nick in 2005.
Q. i keep reading about the next Twispian book being released in 2005...any specific date yet? (stalker's rage, newton, ma)
A. No date yet, but probably not before Nick's birthday.
Q. Are you planning to have a book signing in the Los Angeles area when the new book comes out. I would love to have all of the nick twisp books (including the new one) signed. Plus it would probably give my sisters an excuse to buy their own copies and stop taking mine all the time. P.S. I am thinking that there must be a pilgrimage to Ukiah California of all the twispian fans. We must upstage those dam Ulysses fans. We are so much better than them. (Max, So Cal)
A. A reading in the L.A. area is not beyond the realm of possibility. It couldn't be any worse than the reading I once gave in Oakland that had a total attendance of zero. Do visit Ukiah if you can. The folks there can use the $$$.
Q. How can I pre-order a copy of Nick V? Will it be like Rocky V? (Phil, Los Angeles)
A. It will not be much like Rocky V, though I could work in a reference to Sylvester Stallone if you like. Already, there is one reference to a similar actor, Ethel Merman. No, you cannot pre-order a copy. We are not Amazon.com.
Q. Are you going to write any other books dealing with the characters from the two nick twisp books? (Shelby, Kent)
A. No plans at the moment beyond Book V, which is to appear in 2005 or 2006. I'm hoping that satisfies everyone's Nick Twisp needs.
Q. First of all, I love your book - Youth in Revolt - so much and I just realized there was a sequel. My question is... What about the Nick Twisp story did you feel was so imperative to tell? I heard that you self-published YIR - did you know that so many people would love it? Or did you just love the story so much yourself? It's a huge gamble/investment to self-publish and I would love to hear your thoughts on the book while you were writing it. Thanks so much. (Nick, MA)
A. I write comic novels for remarkably uncomplicated reasons: To amuse my fellow Earthlings. And to avoid tedious office jobs. I self-published Youth in Revolt because I couldn't find anyone else willing to publish it, and it seemed no worse than the output of other obscure published authors.
Q. Have you had much interest in YIR in the academic community? I am a grad student and am going to use your book in my master's portfolio. (Greg, Dallas)
A. Not much interest from academics, though I heard that YiR was employed in English classes at several junior colleges in Southern California. Probably more popular with today's students than Silas Marner. Personally, I always liked George Elliot.
Q. I read at a website called IMDB that the plot outline for the movie says that the parents are "teetering on the edge of divorce." I dont want them to teeter i want them divorced just like the book. I hope that the movie is somwhat true to the book. You are the best, please keep your books coming. (Steven M., Auburn, Washington)
A. You're right. Teetering would be a mistake. Hollywood likes to have lots of fingers in the pie, so you never know what to expect. The good news is Book V is finished. Now, to find a publisher.
Q. Much like yourself, I live in Akron and desperately want to move to the Bay area. Were you living in the Bay when you were writing your books? For Ohio tends to hinder you thoughts about anywhere nice... (Toni, Akron, Ohio)
A. I think it would be a mistake if everyone in Akron moved to the San Francisco bay area. The freeways are already pretty crowded, and Ohio drivers are just too polite to fit in well. Akron is not that bad. You probably just feel that way because it was 14 degrees and snowing there today. I wrote my books in California, but that's merely because I happen to be here.
Q. Trent is my favorite character. Am I gay? (Brian, Sonoma, CA)
A. No, but you're suspicious as hell.
Q. nick twisp is a two-dimensional character with incredible depth. i wanted to know if you sat down and developed the plot line first; or rather, thought of nick and wrote a story around him. i have been trying to accomplish the former, but all i come up with is unorganized trash. as a young sprout of only 16, i look to you for advice. (Christy, Carlotta's sitting room sofa)
A. I think I answered this before, but here goes again. No, I don't work out my plots in advance. This works for me, but many authors write from plot outlines. Some even write the last chapter first. My theory is if the author doesn't know what going to happen next, the reader isn't likely to either. One drawback to this approach is you may require five volumes to conclude the story.

Q. Have you always been mentally unstable (I mean this in the most flattering of ways)? (daisy, california)
A. Yeah, I was always the round nut in the square world. Not institutionalized yet though.
Q. I can see you get a lot of questions and I have e-mailed you a while back, so if you don't have time to respond it's fine. I can also see you get a bunch of repeated questions. I just wanted to tell you that Youth in Revolt was just approved for my High school English literature class. I don't know how many others have accomplished this at their school, but I thought it was an achievement nonetheless seeing as how your book is fairly uncensored (and hilarious). I go to a pretty open minded school, so I am sure the teacher will appreciate it. Thanks for your all of your novels, (Adam, Providence, RI)
A. I appreciate your school being so open-minded. Thanks to the fine folks at Bookstore on the Square, Providence has long been a hotbed of Nick Twisp interest.
Q. Hey, I am not sure if you are aware of this....probably not. But on myspace.com people have made actual profiles for characters of the nick twisp novels. They are really pretty funny. (katie, Millington NJ)
A. I like the profile of Trent best. He seems to be attracting lots of female interest, as usual. What a guy.

Q. whats going to happen to Nick and Sheeni after they got married and moved to France? does Nick cause some havoc and mayhem on an international scale and will Sheeni ever get over the much despised twit Trent and tell Nick that she loves him? oh yeah, in the first boOk, when Nick and Sheeni are coming back from the dinner with his mother and the late Jerry, you wrote something like when they got to the trailer Sheeni's 5,000 yr old mother looked out the window or something and that some "...dark, terrible secret..." hovered over the trailer. what the hell was the secret? (yOung Tizzle, pasadena, ca)
A. Sorry, I can't tell you--it's a secret. Yes, there's more international mayhem in Book V, coming soon to a bookstore near you.
Q. Were you watching me grow up? Please respond as I am frightened and would like very much to be put at ease. (Luis, Los Angeles)
A. I knew you were going to ask me that, Luis. I've been waiting so long.

Q. I was wondering if perhaps you have heard or listened to the band AFI. The reason I ask is because the guitarist is the one that recommended Youth in Revolt to me. They are actually from Ukiah and now live in the Bay Area. I was just curious because he said that he really enjoyed it and strongly suggests it to fans. (Toni, Ohio)
A. Unless AFI was recording with Frank back in the fifties, it's doubtful I've heard any of their music. Still, I'm grateful they're spreading the word about Nick and putting Ukiah on the musical map.

Q. I got my copy of Revolting Youth in the mail yesterday and to my horror saw the cover art. What happened to the Youth in Revolt cover art? I saw the little bit of it on the back, but I am still pissed the whole book doesn't look like it. This is probably a stupid question to you and you are probably not the one to blame, but I just think that the artwork from Youth in Revolt was really awesome. By the way I have read the first 28 pages of the book here at work today and they are freakin hilarious. I can't wait to get done with it. Well, I am at work so I should probably be doing some. (Cole, memphis)
A. Being the world's most reluctant cartoonist, I only managed to contribute a small bit of art to the Revolting Youth cover. Perhaps I can get it in gear to do a bit more for Book V.
Q. I just read Youth in Revolt and Revolting Youth for the first time at a suggestion from a friend of mine (who also asked you a question on this site). But I'm wondering... can you adopt my friend Cam? He's a bit insane but I hear he's potty trained... and legal in over two states. (Justine, Tacoma)
A. Darn, I wish you'd asked me sooner. We just adopted two puppies (brothers who are half Boston Terrier and half chihuahua), and are a bit overwhelmed at the moment. We were hoping for small dogs, but they are rapidly approaching 20 lbs. each. Next time we go for the semi-sane human.

Q. What advice do you have for aspiring writers? Did writing come naturally to you or is it a talent that can only be earned through extensive training and classes at prestegious schools such as Harvard? Where do you get your inspiration for your characters? (Lauren, Danville, CA)
A. My advice is to spare yourself a lot of grief and open up a hardware store. I learned very little about writing at college. I was always a reader and got the bug early. My characters just show up unexpectedly, ready to go to work. Fortunately for aspiring writers, book publishers are on the way out. In five or ten years every writer will have print-on-demand titles at Amazon.com that can be ordered with one click. Did you notice that Amazon just bought Booksurge.com, a print-on-demand book printer?
Q. Me, again, i was just wondering (i got my email back) if Sheeni is going to use the pictures she took of Nick with a gun to get him back in France and if Sheeni is going to break up with him (or vice-versa) and also if Nick's (or should I say Rick S. Hunter) love for Frank Sinatra has anything to do with you.
(Jack, Downey, California)
A. Your first two questions will be answered in Book V, should that book ever find a publisher (note: it is on the fast track to be being published in the Czech Republic by Jota, you American readers should be so lucky). In answer to your last question, my regard for Frank is hardly a secret.
Q. i just saw on this site that YIR was turned into a play! i'm stating here and now that YIR should come to akron since it is your home town afterall! i work at borders and i recommend YIR to every single person i come across! (tara, akron, ohio)
A. Nick owes you a big wet kiss, tara. Usually my books are seldom seen in chain bookstores. Perhaps now I have a small following in my home town (besides my relatives there).
Q. I first discovered a battered paperback copy of Youth in Revolt on the bottom shelf of the teen non-fiction section of the public library (Nonfiction? Wtf!) I read the first page and was instantly hooked. At first I thought that I had made a uniquely remarkable discovery, but upon bringing it to school to read I found that an extrordinarily high percentage of my friends had already read it. In any rate, you and Chris Moore are tied for my favorite author (strange that you recommend each other, it's like you met in my subconscious and hit it off...) I am currently decorating a pair of jeans with funny quotes, but couldn't decide on what Twisp quote to put up. Could you name a favorite? It should be funny even when taken out of context, and PG rated (I want to be able to wear these pants at school) (Laura, Athens Ohio)
A. I recommend "Atavistic sociopath." It's short, controversial, and usually attracts some notice.
Q. so....i was wondering....could you make me a character in one of your books? (Dale, Tacoma)
A. Sorry, if I put you in, I'd have to write in Roy and Trigger too.
Q. What?? No US publisher yet??? Would it help if your fans organized and wrote desperate notes to potential publishers? Or maybe just send dog poo to those fools that dare to reject it? Just say the word. (liz-e, santa cruz, ca)
A. Best idea I've heard in a while. Start stockpiling now. Dink and Bigge will be contributing too--as soon as they recover from this morning's minor neutering surgery (easy for me to say).
Q. I am currently writing my college ap essays (thank god for the common app) anyway, one of the questions is which fictional character most inspires you, and I just wanted to let you know that I am choosing Nick Twisp, because he has three things that got him though his bad luck. Perseverance, Passion, and Creative problem solving. I really don't know how this is going to go over... Perhaps I will start it off like "When Nick was caught giving Lefty a blowjob...." Just wanted to let you know you inspired me. (Katy, Millington)
A. Nick says thanks for the vote of confidence, but if you wind up majoring in welding at the j.c., don't blame him.
Q. I've been a long time fan since YIR came out. I know quite a few people that would like to get a hold of a copy. any suggestions? (David, Baton Rouge)
A. I assume you mean a copy of the new book, Young and Revolting. It appears that publishers are waiting for a green light on the movie before committing to this book. All I can do is advise patience at this point, assuming you don't wish to learn Czech. 2005 marks the 10th year that Hollywood has been dithering about with Nick. Are we getting annoyed yet?
Q. I just finished rererererereading Youth in Revolt and Revolting Youth. Anyways, I have two questions. The first is: Is Peyronie's disease (Lefty's condition) real? My second question is: How did you get such a great vocabulary? [Also,] I wanted to know if you're concluding the story in the fifth book: Young and Revolting? (Rene, San Francisco, CA)
A. Yes, Peyronie's disease is a real medical condition, twisted though that may seem. Like many novice writers (and the occasional Pulitzer winner), Nick likes to show off his big words. The fifth book will conclude the Nick Twisp saga.
Q. Right now I am working as an assistant grounds keeper at a horse track to support my sub par writing. My question for you is what is the worst job you have ever had to pay the bills? (philli, Philadelphia)
A. That's a tough question to answer. I've had many stinkers (dozens!). There was my stint as a busboy\dishwasher in a grungy cafeteria for 80 cents an hour. Why does the lowest paying job always entail the greatest confrontation with grease? There was that miserable graphic artist job working for the spoiled owner's son who treated everyone like he was General Eisenhower and we were the lowliest draftees. Or how about the graveyard-shift proofreading job for a typesetting company that did military contract work? Can you spot typos in arcane helicopter specs at 2 in the morning? I couldn't. Btw, your job sounds somewhat similar to one that Nick must endure in Book V.
Q. Does it bother you as much as it bothers me that you can't get your book published without a movie deal first? I hate Hollywood. They are just going to ruin the book if made into a movie anyway. Not saying I wouldn't be first in line to see it, but how can they really make YiR into a good movie? It would have to be very long and rated R, which I'm sure no studio would be willing to do - they'd definitely want a PG-13 so they could make more money. And what of Frisco Pigeon Mambo: The Movie? Everything in business is so sordid. (stalkersrage, Boston, MA)
A. All true. And yes, it bothers me. But so far the script for YiR the movie is still R-rated, I'm told.
Q. I have 2 questions. is there any chance of you coming back to northeast ohio? and what are my chances of getting an autograph? By the way i loved all 4 yir's and so did my friend who i lent it to. Thanx (James, Willowick, OH)
A. I rarely venture back to Ohio, though I'm semi-committed to go there for Christmas 2005. Just a visit. I could never live in the state that put W. over the top in '04. What were you people thinking? You can find the odd book signed by me at places like abebooks.com. A frivolous expense, but probably no worse than investing in Enron.
Q. Greetings! In your novel Nick and Apurva had a conversation pertaining to the meanings of their names. I was wondering if you put into consideration the meaning of Nick's name as well as other character's names when choosing them. As you may know Nick means "Victory of the people", a rather appropriate name in some aspects. And Sheridan means untamed and bright, a definite perfect meaning for Sheeni. Although beyond Sheeni and Nick the characters didn't have significant meanings to their names. Well, thank you for your time. (Blade, Sebastopol, CA)
A. I did not consider the meaning of the names when selecting them, but thanks for the info.
Q. Greetings again from Ohio! I was wondering I am a big Nirvana fan and Nirvana is probably a band Nick wouldn't like but i was wondering if you ever liked Nirvana or Kurt Cobain? And have you ever been to my town of Willowick at all during your life? (James, Willowick OH)
A. Kurt Cobain? Didn't he sing with the Harry James band for a time? Sorry, Nirvana is not my speed. I recall Willowick as a burb of Cleveland, and yes I think I was there once.
Q. When the third edition of the Journals of Nick Twisp comes out will you be making any personal appearances? If so, when and where? Thank you! (Cheyane, San Francisco)
A. It is likely I'll be showing up somewhere, but too early to say where or when. I usually put in at least one appearance at Cody's in Berkeley when a new book emerges from the oven.
Q. I had a dream last night in which I was reading Young and Revolting. In it, Nick was living in a BART station in downtown Berkeley and was buying half-breed kittens from a truck driver. It was part of some strange plan to get his money back from Lance Wescott. He was consulting the "N.C.I." (National Cat Index) to decide which kittens to buy. In short, I need to read your new book as soon as possible before my subconscious explodes. (liz-e, santa cruz)
A. Uh-oh, I'd say you were in trouble.
Q. Have you been to where I live? If you have....I would just like to deeply apologise. I feel so lost in this HOLLY HELL HOLE! I feel that if I reread any of your books more than I already have they will lose the power to temporarily let me leave this place I hate. Can you help? (South Carolina)
A. No, I haven't been to your state (and you don't make it sound very enticing). Perhaps the humidity has got you down. I suggest a change of scene. How about an excursion to the seaside?
Q. Hey C.D., you awesome writer you. I'm simply in love with YiR, it's my favorite book. Anyway, what I want to know is, if Nick is so smart why can't he see that Sheeni doesn't love him? She barely tolerates him. Will he ever learn that she's a two-timing goldigging skank? Thanks! (Kalamazoo, MI)
A. As the song says, love is a many splendored thing, but clarity of vision is generally not one of them.
Q. I have many questions and opinions but I can only think of a few, so, here they are. (1) Why is it that Sheeni's brother, Paul, seems to know every little fact about Nick's life? (2) Will Lefty be in "Young and Revolting?", (3) What gave you an idea to put a character so horrid such as Dwayne in your book? (4) What's wrong with Dwayne's mother? Oh, yeah, and I still can't picture Fuzzy DeFalco, how is he hairy? Is he like, Wolfman hairy, or just, way too hairy for a teen of his age? (Jack, San Fransisco, CA)
A. 1. Answered previously. 2. Only in passing. 3. Dwayne's not that bad. 4. Not a thing. The woman is hot. 5. You'll recall that Heather screamed when Fuzzy removed his shirt. The guy is quite hirsute, as Nick would say.
Q. I'd like to get a YiR related tattoo, but I can't think of anything - because
it is a book, the images in my mind would be my own and I want it to be something
that would be "recognizable" to any Twispian fan. Do you have any real suggestions for me? I've thought of getting one of the pictures from the AIVIA pressing that (I assume) you drew. But I'm still not sure. What do you think? (Decatur, Alabama)
A. I hope your literary tastes don't change after you get that tattoo. How about Nick + Sheeni inside of a heart? You might want to incorporate a dagger in the design as well. (Anyone getting a Twispian tattoo should be sure to email us a photo.)
Q. Ok, do you like John-Paul Belmondo yourself (not like Sheeni, just as an actor)?
(Jack, Downey, CA)
A. Sure. The guy is the Humphrey Bogart of France.
Q. No question really. I want to say I'm flattered that you think well enough of
my music to mention it to one of your fans... Wait! I do have a question. I DO! I
DO! I DO! Which album are you listening to? ..Thanks...Your fellow Ohian, David
Wilson (Los Angeles)
A. I like all of David's albums, especially "The Romance of Paris" (a favorite of Sheeni as well) and "Dreams of Hollywood Nights." The latter is a tribute to another great Ohioan Henry Mancini.
Q. are you willing to serve the 5 detentions i received for reading YIR during a math class? thanx (~~airn~~, the vanity ridden city of los angeles)
A. Only five detentions? I should have thought such a transgression would merit a severe hiding. I cannot tell you how many times I use algebra (not to mention that popular pastime trigonometry) in the course of my daily life. You are well chastised for your frivolity.
Q. I just finished Youth in Revolt, and thought it was brilliantly funny. However, I have one question that I thought the book left open-ended, in a rather annoying sort of way: How did three clones of Albert end up on the doorsteps of his mother, Sheeni, and his own? This was never answered, and yet too freakish to just consider "random." Hope to hear from you, thanks! (Cyrus, San Francisco)
A. This question has been answered before. To repeat, I know of no laws (federal or state) that require all novels to be 100 percent realistic. The difficulty in this case may lie not with the book, but with the reader. Consult your dictionary definition of "parody."
Q. I am originally from Akron and I must tell you, you have a tremendous following in your hometown. Could you please give us a little insight into your Akron days. Where did you grow up? What school? Funny stories, etc...? (St. Pete Lawyer, St. Petersburg, FL)
A. My alleged popularity in Akron is news to me. I didn't realize I had that many relatives left in that area. I lived on North Hill and went to Jennings Jr. High and North High. We used to ride our bikes to Waterworks Park in Cuyahoga Falls to go swimming. In winter, we'd go ice skating in Gorge Park and sledding on the hill below Jackson School. I remember all those hot, muggy summers in the pre-air conditioning days. Must have been murder on those tire builders in the rubber factories. I used to build floats for the Soap Box Derby parade and picnic at Duncanside Park. I also liked the Italian social clubs on North Hill, where the ladies would bake pizzas on Sundays and sell them for ten cents a slice. They were also nice about loaning out their bocce balls and court to the local kids--even if we weren't Italian. Akron had a solid industrial tax base then, and had good schools and libraries (where I used to hang out). I'd like to take the trolley bus downtown one more time and wander through Polsky's basement, catch a double bill at the Palace or Strand, then have a cocktail in the Rubber Room of the Portage Hotel.
Q. I am reading this book called how I paid for college. I am beyond disgusted. It's like he ate all the pages of your fabulous book and then proceeded to shit out his novel. He is so obviously trying to be you. I think you should kill him. (katy, m-town)
A. Haven't read the book, but that course of action seems a bit extreme even for me. You could nail him with a zinger at Amazon.com instead.

Q. is nick dressing up like a robot today? [Halloween, '05]
A. Nick has moved on and is now dressed like a 1958 Isetta mini-car. The lone door is in the front, and he's hoping someone cute will open it.
Q. I love all your books' bout Nick Twisp, but the matter is in Hungary just the first 3 books were published. I really want to read the 4. and the 5. book too. Your sincerly: (Dóri who likes Nick very much, Budapest)
A. A nasty (but common) predicament. Your only hope may be to pester the Hungarian publisher.
Q. I picked YIR for my book club (maybe a bad choice for a mothers club, but I LOVED it!) I was wondering if you might have discussion questions available? Thank you so much. (E.N., Petaluma, CA)
A. You're talking to a guy whose idea of discussing a book is to mutter, "Yeah, I guess I liked it." Reason 214 I didn't major in English. Well, you could always discuss how Nick is like (or unlike) his parents, and why he is so obsessed with you know who.
Q. First I want to say that I am extremely delighted about the upcoming book. I take French in high school, and I'm really excited about one day studying abroad. But seeing as Nick only knows the word sourcil, and he hates "Frogs" he probably isn't looking forward to his venture. My question is, did you have to go to France recently to research for your book? Or have you been there so many times that you know the Champs Elysees like the back of your hand? (flygirl, Kalamazooo)
A. I was in France for two weeks about ten years ago. This puts one at a disadvantage for writing a novel set in France, but then I haven't spent that much time in Ukiah either. I customarily limit my travels to places where you can drag an Airstream (or at present a Boles Aero or Bigfoot trailer). I had to make up most of the French stuff, but as Nick points out that is what fiction entails.
Q. Which book talks about maple syrup? I friend of mine raved about it and I'm chompin' at the bit to read it! (Tonia, Bar Harbor, ME)
A. Are you sure you have the right author? I'm drawing a blank on the maple syrup reference.
Q. I buy 5 part of Nick Twisp. I read now all books again. I enjoy for reading of 5 part. I enjoy for Nicks adventures in my country (Czech). Thank you for all books! (Patrik, Holesov, Czech Republic)
A. Thanks for your comments. Stay tuned for Book VI, which I'm writing now.
Q. Wait a second! In your last post, you mentioned Book VI. Was that a joke - or was that serious? Thanks! (byron, ashland, OR)
A. No joke. The title will be Revoltingly Young: The Journals of Nick Twisp's Younger Brother. Yes, Noel Lance Wescott has taken pen in hand and . . .
Q. Please forgive my ameri-centric perspective, but how odd it is that I would visit your website and read that yes, the next Nick Twisp book has been written yet is not yet available -- unless apparently one reads Czech. Researching the czech language, I note that it is only spoken by twelve million people. It is not the official language of Slovakia, which of course speaks slovak. What sympathy I now have for the poor people of Czechoslovakia! Not only were they under the collective heel of the iron boot but apparently they were forced to mingle with people who did not speak a common language. Or maybe they were all forced to learn russian. There are too many accent marks for me to attempt to learn czech. I suppose I could try to find someone to translate it for me, but as I understand currency conversion, the euro is worth a bit more than the dollar, and I doubt people would find it worth their while. Perhaps you are working on an english translation that might be purchased sometime soon? Or ... perhaps if it was available in a more accessible language, like german, french, spanish, or japanese. Please continue to work on this and I promise to send you small amounts of money. (David, Pasadena)
A. David is one of my favorite readers. Such loyalty over the years is to be commended. I love his gentle sarcasm. We are all waiting forlornly at the bus stop for some big U.S. publisher to drive by and pick up Nick et al. Meanwhile, disgruntled Czech readers are grumbling about the ending of a book that Americans can't read.
Q. Do you have any plans to re-release the first books with the parts that are cut out. FYI waiting for Book V is killing me. (Paul, Charleston, SC)
A. Doubleday owns the rights to the first book, and they see no problem with depriving readers of ten percent of the text.
Q. Hi again, I just wanted to say thanks in advance for writing a book 6, and for book 5 which I haven't yet read. I must say I'm a little disturbed that Nick won't be writing book 6, and my imagination is filling with horrible visions...what happens to Nick?? Still, I wait patiently for the U.S. edition. In the meantime I've temporarily sated my craving for YIR by buying myself a true first edition. It's in beautiful condition, and you MUST autograph it someday. In other news, I've owned a copy of YIR for a good ten years (since eighth grade) and it's been reread probably once a month on average. My parents, who know very well that it's my favorite book and have asked me about it on occasion, have never been allowed to read it until a week ago. My father read it first, and then my mother read it immediately after. I fear I'll never be able to look them in the eye again without remembering this. They loved it of course, though my mother keeps talking about what a little pervert Nick is. They're also tremendously excited to read Revolting Youth and the upcoming Young and Revolting. I guess it all turned out well in the end. So, any progress with the U.S. publishing houses, or should I bite the bullet and learn Czech? Your devotee, (Liz-e, Santa Cruz, CA)
A. What nice readers I have, and how I hate to torture them like this. If a U.S. publisher doesn't bite in '06, I'll publish both books myself. It's not like there's no interest in these succeeding books. Revolting Youth is now in its third printing--most unusual for a self-published title. It sold as many copies in 2005 as Youth in Revolt, which is from a major publisher.
Q. Is there any chance you could make a mailing list for people to give updates on the publication and other news, because as much as I like checking the website for updates everyday,... yeah. Thanks a bunch and good luck with everything! (no name, New Jersey, USA)
A. I wish we had the mental capacity to do that.
Q. How old will Nick's younger brother be in Revoltingly Young? (no name, Carmel)
A. Fifteen. You were expecting maybe 42? (This makes Nick 29 by my math.)
Q. I was curious as to your mental abilities with anagrams - are you, like Sheeni, a wizard with doing them in your mind? Or did you cheat when writing the novel and use a computer or some other source? (no name, Conway, NH)
A. No wizard here, I had help from a computer. Speaking of which, a fun site to find anagrams from any name can be found here.
Q. I am an aspiring 16 year old writer who loves your books and was wondering how should I go about getting my stories published? Thank you. (James, Willowick, OH)
A. As usual, my advice is to: 1. Get rich and buy your own magazine. 2. Get rich and buy your own publishing company. 3. Get famous through some other line of work. 4. Become a celebrity by dating someone famous. Or, 5. Ask this question of someone who hasn't had to publish most of his stuff himself.
Q. Other than the t-shirt already for sale on this site, are there any plans for more YIR merch? I'd like an Albert stuffed animal. (grover, San Diego)
A. No more Nick cargo for now, alas.
Q. Hi, I am obsessed with Nick. Thanks. Will the Young and Revolting and Revoltingly Young be released in the UK? I have converted many Brits to the Twispian way of life. (Lee, Sheffield, England)
A. At the very least you should be able to order the US editions over the Web when they are published here. I'm glad to see Nick is making inroads in the UK. At one point in Book V he remarks how much he'd rather be living in London than Paris.
Q. I reread all Nick Twisp books again and am dying of Nick Twisp withdrawl, is there any chance you can maybe post the first couple pages of Youth in France? It would be GREATLY appreciated!! (B.R., Ithaca, NY)
A. Your wish is our command. Samples are now available on the home page.
Q. Hi, as a Slavic fellow, I love your books. If, by some miraculous raising of funds, would you be able to speak for a Library, or University? I'm not sure about a Library, as your work isn't New-Age Poetry or a treatises on Feminism. (no name, Portland)
A. I am always available for speaking if the remuneration is sufficient, and frankly I'm something of a cheap date.
Q. Good Morning! I have been a regular visitor to your site for a few months now, always scrolling to the distressing, pink "Sorry, no USA publication date yet for either novel" box below this form. I have read through the Q&A section on this topic, and see no immediate hope for change there. So I wanted to toss out a potential "fix" for the die-hard fans you're likely getting lots of mail from. Have you considered the possibility of creating PDF versions of the unpublished books and making them available -- for pay -- via email? I'm trying to think of why this would be a bad idea for you, but I'm only thinking of one concerning issue. Technically, if one of us buyers secretly hates you, we could go through the trouble of transcribing your text (PDF prevents cutting and pasting, etc.) and doing something with it before you publish. But I'm not sure that's too big of a threat considering that I assume from reading your posted mail most everyone who makes it to your site is already a huge fan of your work and wants to see it keep coming! Also, since the books are making headway in Czech, I figure you must already be a copyright holder in some way shape or form. Personally, I would be delighted to pay you full book price for electronic copies of both books V and VI right now. And I have to assume that the profit margin on that exchange would be much, much higher than if you had to pay someone to print them for you first. AND, since I am already in the habit of collecting signed copies of all of your books, I'd still order the final versions and send you pleading fan letters when they do come out. If the idea still makes you nervous, I'd be happy to keep the entire exchange our little secret, if you prefer. I'll be hoping to hear back that I have an initiation to send you a check! (Lake, Sheboygan, WI)
A. I have thoroughly explored ebook publishing, but the potential for piracy leaves me queasy. As it is, my printed books are generally passed around until they fall apart. Believe it or not, I do need some income from this enterprise to make it worthwhile.
Q. Just thought you'd like to know that I purchased my 8th copy of YiR the other day, and my third copy of Revolting Youth. They wear out so fast... (no name, Conway, NH)
A. I appreciate your support. This is a trend that must be encouraged.
Q. Do you know what happened to the production of "Party Animals"? (no name, Cody,WY)
A. I haven't heard much lately about the pigeon movie. It appears to be in abeyance. I continue to be amazed that any movies at all get made in Hollywood.
Q. We have publication dates! Thanks so much! I'm looking forward to the day where I can place an order. Still, the description of Book VI strongly implies that the "Youth In Revolt" series is over. I only say "strongly implies" because I've seen a stronger statement of "It's over" turn out to be somewhat overstated once before.) Any plans to start new books, or a new series? (no name, Sheboygan, WI)
A. It ain't over until the fat lady sings, but in Nick's case I think she's warbling with finality. I have some ideas for new books, but I hope to get everything over in one volume from now on.
Q. Just read the samples, they are great. Guessing from the covers, one can only assume that you got a publisher. When does it come out. (katy, millington)
A. Can't pin anything down more definitely than "fall" right now. Will post an exact date when I get one.
Q. YAYYYY!!! They are coming! They are COMING! I spread the gospel of the REVOLT series every where I go. I am soooo happy that you are continuing to bring joy to my own twisty turny life. (no name, Salem, OR)
A. Keep up the good work yourself.
Q. I just wanna congratulate you, the cover art looks GREAT and the samples are hilarious. At first I wasn't sure if hearing about Noel would continue to hold my interest but it's fascinating! (B.R., Ithaca)
A. Personally, I think Noel's at least as interesting as Nick. They are both Twisps after all.
Q. Please release Young and Revolting and Revoltingly Young in the UK, I'm suffering withdrawal symptoms. Amazon charges £45gzillion to ship to the UK, And no-one's read them quick enough to flog em' on eBay either...(Lee, Sheffield, England)
A. Sorry, no interest yet from UK publishers. Any readers want to sell their used copies on Ebay?
Q. Hello Mr. Payne. I have a deep & powerful love for all of your books. I want to thank you for your (Or should I say Ms. Penelope Pliny's) thoughts of "grappling with Visigoths in the streets." It helped me get an A on an essay. I cited it, of course. =] It would be interesting for you to rewrite YIR from Sheeni's point of view. What do you think of that?
Thanks (no name, Ann Arbor, MI)
A. Many people have suggested that, but it fails to excite me. I don't think we really want to know what's going on in her head (as if I had a clue).
Q. Hey, did you know that the movie Drop Dead Gorgeous starring Kirsten Dunst is based on Civic Beauties? I didn't know that, but wikipedia told me so. (no name, Ann Arbor, MI)
A. Wrong! Wikipedia seems to be full of bad info. On a more positive movie note, Dimension Films has a director at last for the Nick Twisp movie: a Swedish director of commercials named Fredrik Bond. I'm told that pre-production work has commenced.
Q. Hi! I just got your book "youth in revolt" from an american friend. Iv been lauhing from page one. The book is holarious and really well written and I just love it! I wanted to ask you if you know if the book will ever be translated into Swedish? Not that I have a trouble reading it, but some of my friends doesnt really master the language of English and I really would like them to read it, ´cause its so fucking great!! (Ida, Orrefors, Sweden)
A. No interest yet from Swedish publishers, but perhaps the forthcoming movie (2007?) will rouse them from their sloth.

Copyright 2002 Aivia Press, P.O. Box 1922, Sebastopol, CA 95473